The Real Reason Musk Wants Everyone Back in Office

3 minutes read

From Grimes’ weird singing to seventeen dust-gathering Teslas, the reasons Musk hates working remotely are far more complex than you’d think.

Like many others, we were shocked to learn that Elon Musk is demanding all his Tesla and SpaceX employees return to office – or quit. Talk about an ultimatum! As a loud-mouthed billionaire and supposedly influential entrepreneur, Musk’s stance on remote work is sure to have a rippling effect.

Companies flirting with hybrid contracts will look to the real-life Bond villain as an example of a successful leader not hopping onboard the WFH bandwagon. Musk has added fuel to a skeptical fire – and we can practically hear remote workers all over the world groaning in response.

But how can it be, that the man who literally sent his car into space feels remote work is ‘radical’?

Being a 100% remote company specialized in empowering async collaboration across continents and timezones, we wanted to understand the reasoning behind Musk’s back-to-office orders.

So we did a little digging, and yeah – it’s starting to make sense. There are at least ten compelling reasons the Musketeer wants everyone back in office.

Elon Musk Hates Working Remotely

  1. Without colleagues surrounding him, who can Elon talk to about his favorite anime shows? He has at least ten opinions on Spirited Away that no one has heard yet.

  2. Elon’s seventeen Teslas are gathering dust now that he doesn’t have to commute daily. “We’ll drive soon again, my electric friends,” he whispers to them through the darkness of the garage.

    Close-up of red Tesla in garage

    Electric friend

  3. An office is the perfect place to escape Grimes. Ever since they broke up, she’s been standing outside his window singing Elton John’s Rocket Man and it’s super disturbing.

  4. Talking about interrupted concentration – X Æ A-Xii is, like, constantly whining during important calls. Fortunately all toddlers are banned at the office.

  5. Elon misses having people around him to admire his Omega watches. He wears one on his wrist and one around his ankle.

  6. Without in-person board meetings, Elon lacks the kind of critique that would otherwise stop him from making really dumb decisions, like buying Twitter.

  7. In space, no one can hear you scream. The same is true for when you’re home alone.

  8. Elon used to buy all his psychedelics from Greg in Accounting, but now Greg has moved to Thailand and works remotely. This sucks.

    Bearded man in flannel shirt sits with laptop

    Greg from Accounting

  9. Remote work means no more awkward Christmas parties, when everyone applauds Elon as he awards himself a well-deserved bonus of 10 billion dollars.

  10. Elon wants everyone to enjoy the 200 square meter ball pit he had installed on the third floor of the SpaceX headquarters. He wants to watch them play, and that’s not creepy. That’s heart-warming.

Needless to say, this completely explains the reasoning behind Musk’s stance. We certainly can’t blame him for wanting everyone back in office – but we can feel sorry for his employees.

For those of us who still think the office is overrated, make every meeting count with tl;dv – the ultimate Google Meet and Zoom call companion.